Protective
by Hypnotized.By.Golden.Eyes
Summary: Carlisle has a father/son talk with Edward about his behavior in Eclipse.


**This is actually a scene out of one of my other stories - Crashed Slumber Party - which is an _alternate_ scene from Eclipse. But I wrote this Carlisle/Edward bit as it would have been in the "real" timeline, so I wanted to post it as its own one-shot. It's about a conversation I think went on between them during the guys' hunting trip, which helped lead Edward to his and Bella's compromise. Hope you enjoy. :)**

* * *

><p><strong>.:Protective:.<strong>

It's been a long hunting trip. Too long, and it was only the first night out here. One would think I only had enough capacity to worry about Bella up till a certain point before I needed rest from mental exhaustion, but being a vampire had its disadvantages (a massive understatement, really). I couldn't not think about her: what she's doing; if she's all right; if something's happened... And then what if something has occurred? How could I let myself be down here in Northern California, miles away from her, if she was in trouble? Even if I had bribed Alice to keep her out of danger's reach, what basis did I have to go on to believe my psychic sister would be enough while I was away?

Such impenetrable pessimism, and it was never ending.

Which led me to where I was now, talking with Carlisle, us sitting side by side on the body of a collapsed redwood, my brothers anywhere but where I was; I doubt they'll be coming within twenty miles of me for the rest of the trip.

"He's been there for Bella — and she for him — through some difficult times, Edward," Carlisle was saying. He tried to skim quickly over the memory of our departure from Forks last September. "I know the risks werewolves pose for humans, especially regarding ones who have not been practicing that way of life for very long, but Jacob Black has been a wolf through most of their friendship. I know Bella has already gone behind your back once to go see him. It may only get worse if you continue to forbid her from visiting La Push." I heard him mentally stutter, _w__hich is not yours to forbid_. Carlisle hadn't decided if he wanted to tell me that so bluntly, but it was pointless now.

"I am not forbidding her from seeing him," I said, glaring angrily at the overgrown roots sprouting out of the ground in front of us.

_Then what are you doing, Edward?_

"I'm... It..." I struggled to find the right words, to confess the uncertainties I had. Although I knew Carlisle was right — he usually was — there was so much to it, so much that bothered me on levels I never thought could possibly exist. The acceptance of allowing Bella to run around carelessly with a group of volatile werewolves who were no more than a couple months into their transformations, did not come easy for me. Quite frankly, it scared me to death.

Carlisle waited quietly, patient by my side until I could find the right words to describe my position.

"It would just be easier... Easier if I could know she was safe with him, all the time. When I'm away from her, Carlisle, it...frightens me. I get so anxious that something terrible will happen to her and I won't be there to stop it, or to comfort her. I never fully understood how delicate humans were until I fell in love with one. _So many things to worry about!_ I can't stand for her to be hurt. And... I've waited over a century to find her; I don't want to lose her. I can't. Not again." My voice was barely a whisper when I finished.

The creases of stress on the planes of my face were visible to me through my father's eyes, and I listened as he realized, if he hadn't already known, that Bella's well-being meant absolutely everything to me, because I loved her with all I had; an unconditional love that was as immortal as I was.

But Carlisle could also picture it from Bella's perspective, I saw:

An independent, stubborn young woman who's freedom was being governed by someone, in her mind, she had no power against. How utterly untrue _that_ was! If only Bella knew it was exactly all the power _she_ held over _me_ that brought out this new domineering side of me.

Of course, I did see it now, what Carlisle meant. Overbearing was what I was becoming; what I already was. I had promised I would never force Bella into anything again, but recently I've been doing just that, haven't I? Less extreme than the first time, when I left — a memory that tears my unbeating heart whenever I remember it, which is often — but I'm doing it enough where I'm controlling what I think is best for her. I'm trying to protect her, yes, but perhaps I wasn't doing it right.

When do I ever do things right?

I sighed, the sound miserable even to my own ears.

Carlisle's thoughts were deep in sympathy, as he put his hand on my shoulder. I felt bad knowing how my pain hurt him — he didn't need this, didn't need my worries on his plate. But he wanted to help me, and he asked me to let him. Besides, who else could I talk to? Emmett was beyond annoyed with my mood, and Jasper was barely putting up with me; the latter ignored me most of the time, doing his best not to feel all the contradicting emotions that pervade me, which in turn made me feel even more guilt-ridden. Their brotherly concern was there, of course. They cared. But they wanted this hunting trip to relax and I made it difficult for them. So Carlisle offered they go off together while he stayed with me. They took off immediately after he suggested it.

"I can't imagine how hard this is on you, Edward. I try to picture it with Esme, if she were in Bella's place and I in yours... The persistence you show, the selflessness of keeping her human is a strength I would have never matched up to." I tried not to make a face; it upset him when I didn't see myself the way he saw me. "And as far as Jacob Black goes, I would like to say I wouldn't have kept her from her best friend." He smiled slightly. _It's always nice to believe that you have more potential and ability than someone else, if you were facing their problem, simply because, now, you are seeing it objectively. Easier said than done, as they say. I am actually very proud of you, Edward._

Then his thoughts transitioned back to the problem at hand: my reactions regarding Bella and Jacob. A thought occurred to him, about their relationship.

_I wonder if part of it is jealousy. Should I bring it up? There would be nothing wrong with it. It's a very common, natural thing to feel. I know I've felt it myself, how ever irrational. But maybe Edward-_

"It's not jealousy," I sighed. "Well, I mean, jealousy is there. But it's the very smallest part in... in what I hadn't realized I'd been doing. I can hate Jacob Black out of jealousy; but I could never stop Bella from seeing her friend out of such a flaky, irrational emotion."

"It's your inability to protect her."

I nodded, grimacing at the disconcerting words. A person relies on their mate for protection, even when not asking for it. It was a rule, but a desirous one; a duty that comes stamped in one's mind naturally, formed out of love. For decades I've watched that desire to act performed through Carlisle with Esme, Emmett with Rose, Jasper with Alice, and there was never a time I doubted their ability to succeed in it. I wished I could be like that with Bella; I wished I knew how. But when she runs off...

"When she runs off to see him I have no idea if she'll return in one piece, or return at all. I can't go with her. I can't even be in the same area if something _were_ to happen, and Alice would never catch it because she can't see where the wolves are involved. It's like nothing can be done once she crosses that line into La Push. She's out of my reach there, like she's vanished, like she no longer exists outside of my mind. I feel worse than helpless! When she runs off to a place I'm forbidden to go even to save her, I can't help but to..."

"Forbid her from going there, too?"

My eyes shot downcast at how awful that sounded. I must be a terrible person. Selfish and terrible.

"Edward." Carlisle squeezed my shoulder firmly, leaning slightly so he could see directly into my eyes. He knew me too well; a curse and a blessing from being with him for so long.

"Son, do not think low of yourself."

Of course, leave it to my father to worry about me falling another step deeper into my own dark mind; instead, he should focus on how to keep Bella from being dragged into it along with me. I wasn't pitying myself. But the facts where clear — why not acknowledge them? I was letting my fears get the best of me, letting them control me and, ultimately, control Bella. If I wanted to be as good as my father and brothers were with their mates, I surely had to be better than this. Yet, why did it seem so hard?

"You love her," Carlisle said, as if it was the answer I sought. "As a result you are protective of her, overly so. That's something every one of us can relate to. There's no perfecting that. We have all been there, at those moments where we get a little carried away. I had to help Emmett and Rosalie settle their feud once — you know how assertive they both are, and poor Emmett just wanted to make her happy." He sighed, and I wondered when I'd missed that. "I'll be the one to say, though, that one mate is not more protective than the other. I've realized that with years of observation and experience."

Esme, Jasper, Alice, me, himself, and other mated vampires who I've only known through his memories flashed through his head.

"Some show it more, as in you and Jasper... But I'm sure you've seen how secretly Alice has her watchful eyes on him through her visions. She is just as her husband is, only less obvious about it. And I wouldn't put it past Bella to have that same protectiveness over you. The only difference is: she is human. She doesn't have the physical strength to protect you the way I'd assume she most likely wants to, and that would also put her in a vulnerable position mentally."

I had never thought about that. And I should have, what with Bella's constant ridiculous talk about how she wasn't good enough to deserve me, when it was clearly the other way around.

"You are different than her in that aspect," Carlisle continued. "While she's human and has human frailties and needs and perspectives, you are..."

"A vampire," I finished, seeing where this was leading. "Everything about me, including my emotions — such as the instinct to protect — are more powerful than hers by nature."

"Exactly. The scale we measure things by is different. Your acts to ensure her safety might be selfless and out of love, _and_ appreciated, but they may be coming off a bit stronger than either of you want them to be." He looked away from me, out into the shadows. "That, and I can't say anybody would particularly enjoy the freedom to see their best friend taken away from them, especially by the one they love."

"You're right. I know that."

"I know you do, Edward." _There is nothing to be ashamed of._

"I want what's best for Bella. I want her happy, and if seeing Jacob does that... But I worry so much... How do I overcome that?"

Carlisle frowned. _I can't help you with that, I'm afraid._

"Yeah, I guess I knew that, too."

"But what I propose..." Carlisle met my eyes again, "...is that you trust Bella. Jacob might be a werewolf and consequently a bit dangerous, but Bella is smart. And she knows him well; better than any of us do. _And_ this wouldn't be the first time she's befriended mythical beings. She'll be careful."

I wondered if that would be enough: being careful...

"I will..." I began to say, then trailed off.

What will I do?

How would I cope if I dared let Bella go, which I knew was the right thing to do? I'll be out of my mind with worry until she returns, if she returns... No — quickly, I cleared my mind of the thought. First, I had to stop thinking in such a negative way. I had to trust Bella's decision to see Jacob. Faith, I suppose, was what I had to rely on. Faith and trust. There was no going back, either, because now that I've realized and acknowledged what I've been doing, I knew I needed to fix it.

I took a few minutes to think this through. I thought of Bella sneaking away to the reservation. The more I resist, the more she fights it. What if she got hurt during one of her escape methods? Also, do I want her to think of me as being her captor, or of Alice being that? We're her family, not her enemies. I had to change my actions, and thinking of Bella's reaction, of how happy and less stressful she'd be once I break down the shield I had over her, I could no longer deny this was best for her; and I had to believe that, because she believed that.

Maybe, though, for my sanity and Bella's safety, precautions could be taken. A compromise could be made?

"I will try," I decided. "I'll talk to Bella and apologize for my behavior. I'll fix it. Just..."

Carlisle's brow furrowed. He was already wondering what he could do to help despite he had no idea what I was going to say.

"Just..." I moaned and laughed at the same time, exasperated, "Why couldn't her best friend be human?"

"Things would be a lot easier for you then, wouldn't it?" I heard a smile in Carlisle's voice now. "You know how Bella is, though; she can't relate to someone unless there's an element of supernatural in them."

"But a _werewolf_? Why not something smaller, less dangerous? Say a mermaid? A unicorn? Even someone like Superman would have sufficed. And actually, Superman might not be such a bad thing, with Bella, even if I would have to fight for her affections just as much."

My father chuckled once, but I was surprised to hear a strange edge to it, a humorless one.

"We've never encountered such creatures, or any sort of comic book hero. How do you know they wouldn't be dangerous to Bella?" Even as he spoke lightly, there was still a layer of hardness tinged in his thoughts that I tried to decipher. It was so sudden — what had I said?

"Keep to the point, please," I responded, rolling my eyes slightly, while the corners of my mouth curved up, all for his benefit. Although, it was amazing how much better I felt, now that I had a clearer head on my shoulders. I hadn't realized before how much I needed this talk with Carlisle. It's been a long time since we've spent this much time together, only the two of us. I had missed this.

"Well, shall we hunt?" I nodded, but neither of us moved right away.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

His thoughts were instantly filled with love and support, and to my extreme embarrassment he kissed the top of my head as he stood up. I was grateful he didn't make a bigger production than that.

"You will get through this, Edward," he said, his back to me, walking away. _You will be happy._

The finishing thought grabbed my attention away from anything else, for although he meant it to be a reassurance, there was a warning woven into it; a threat, even. As though if the promise failed to become fact, someone would pay.

My first response was that it was ridiculous, that I was mistaking. But as I watched my father head into the forest, I knew his thoughts were no mistake. I also knew it was not something he would literally act upon; only feel; and I suddenly caught on to what had caused it, what had upset him in my words just moments ago, and what he had actually been feeling for a while.

I was stunned.

There was a part of Carlisle that was disappointed.

With Bella.

A sick twisting wound through my stomach at the thought of Carlisle being upset with her in any amount, yet I knew I could not deny him the right to be. Even if it was my fault — as he must see that it is — and as much as he sees Bella as a daughter, I knew Carlisle was just desperate for me to be happy. Truly happy. Like everybody, he simply felt protective.

Maybe I wasn't so terrible, after all.

_Maybe._


End file.
